Sunday, March 21, 2010
Blog Post: When You Can't Pray
From Striving for 31 by Amber (source link here).
"And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will."
Have you ever been to the point where you just couldn't pray anymore? Have you tried a million times to petition the Father, only to feel your mind floating into paralysis as no words seem adequate?
A few weeks ago, a precious friend of mine told me she was in that place. She said, "I just can't pray anymore. I can pray for others, but not for myself."
Despite her inability to verbalize her heart, God saw her. And He answered her in a marvelous way this very day. Praise God!
I think God allowed me to stand witness to her journey to encourage me out of my own pit. I have reached the point where I can't seem to pray. Don't get me wrong... I try... a lot. I start to pray. Sometimes I get words out. Sometimes I make sense in my prayers. But most of the time, the darkness and confusion just chokes the words right out of my mouth. Girls, I've gotta confess... I'm in a pit.
I'm not depressed. I'm not having a nervous breakdown. I'm just walking through a spiritual wilderness. Nothing seems certain and I feel very alone. Satan has worked overtime around here and I'm struggling to get through it.
Why do I share this? I want to ask you to pray when I can't. Many of you are pastor's wives and you know the struggle I'm speaking of. The out-of-control, desperate feeling where you have no voice in the direction your life will take. The longing for God's will more than breath. The deep love for your man when he is so defeated that he can't see outside his own discouragement. The moment when you realize you've been in the pit for so long, that you don't know how to get out.
Girls, please pray for deliverance. Please pray for Josh. Please pray for me.
I take comfort in knowing that the Holy Spirit is interceeding for us, according to God's perfect will which seems so impossible to discern. I absolutely believe that God has brought this about for a purpose. I believe He is refining us. I believe He is tugging at the most uncomfortable places in my heart, requiring surrender, requiring everything.
He is good. I will never sway from that. I don't question His goodness or His plan. I just question my inability to make heads or tails out of anything anymore.
Please pray that I will thirst for His Word and that it will bring new life to my soul.
I am sending my children to stay with their grandparents tonight. I originally intended to work. But instead, I believe I am going to sit before the Lord, for as long as it takes, to see Him. To feel Him. And to be able to talk with Him again.
We're going to get through this and have such an amazing story to share in the end. I just pray that we're in the final paragraphs of this chapter in our lives.